Off The Meter

To those who cared.

2011-04-12T11:44:00.000-07:00

Friends, I am at fault. Fault for deceiving you. I've been know for this impeccable strength, for this will to fight through all challenges and walk out head held high and faith strongly intact. I have to be truthful about my last few months. I have been fueled by admiration for my ability to move past all of the crap that I've been dealt. Have you ever heard someone say, "your past will always catch up to you?" Recently, I've experienced my first true and real heartbreak. For anyone, that is an obstacle that is full of not only pain, but fury. Along with these emotions, I have been so ridiculously miserable. I'm sorry for those of you I've convinced of my surfaced happiness. Leaving Point Loma, the goal was to find a way to be content, and to build a strong woman within myself. In the words of my advisor. I thought that I had mastered the challenge, but in all honesty, I'd convinced myself that I was doing well so that I didn't have to feel hurt anymore. I've been doing this my entire life. Rather than taking the time to be sad and vulnerable, I put on my strong, empowering woman facade. A great friend of mine, who can read me by looking at me, has been telling me over this past year that until I face the root of my issues, I will always find myself spiraling downwards eventually. I've found that root. It's something I cherish, and something that I am afraid to walk away from. It's something that has had this constant power over me throughout my entire life. It is something that dangles me with a thin piece of thread, that continues to drop me and pull me back up. It's what I die to please. Every time that I sink further back into my hole, it's the image I see as I am suffocating. The reason I am writing this is because, with everything that I've been dealing with, I can't hide behind my busy schedule anymore. I can't continue to think that drinking is the right way to relax. I can't avoid my problems anymore. I am weak. I am broken. I am vulnerable. I am craving for love. So as I sit here, with every part of me lost, I've decided that I have to get back on track with my faith. To say I've been living the life of a follower in Christ, would be a lie. With that, I am deciding on whether or not I am going to give my apartment up and live with my loving grandparents who have been supporting me through this hurt. Right now, the only thing I am sure on is that I am planning a trip. I don't know where I am going, I don't believe I will be making any arrangements. I am just going somewhere, somewhere to pray, to love, to feel, and to live. I'm tired of feeling this way, and I am truly facing and dealing with this life. I'm done feeling sorry for myself, I am done lying to all of you by saying that life is great. I love you all. Sharon. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me Philippians 4:13

Losing at my own game

2011-03-08T04:29:00.000-08:00

I was on such a happy path.
Many changes, all seemed to lead to great places.

I feel like I'm losing everything. I've lost my independence.
I've lost my familiarity, this isn't my happy home anymore.
It's plagued with everything I've tried to walk away from.
I don't know how much longer I can stand for this.

Every inch of my body is tensed with fury.
I'm not one who results to violence, but if I don't punch something quick I'll break.
Misplaced things, empty milk jugs, taken couch, and of course the screaming.
How did things get to this place..

Constant bicker

The need for permission

What the fuck happened?

I'm ready to let it all go.

To start new once more

It will never be the same under this roof

Commitments have always meant one thing for as long as I can remember

Even those you trust the most will always let you down.

Even promises from the best of friends will always be broken.

My 2011

2011-01-18T03:00:00.001-08:00

So now that the 'New Year' spirit has faded, here is the blog of my reality and truth.

2010 is officially over, referred to as last year. What a great year it was. A beautiful summer. My N3N. My new job. My new school. My new independence. My new roommate. My New discoveries. My new apartment. My new friends. My new love. Full of desperation, and full of heartbreak. Full of laughter, and full of support. Incredible nonetheless.

To be honest, I've had the most life changing experiences in 2010. From finding a family in Christ, losing that support, moving in to an apartment, allegedly being forced to take a semester off, cutting ties with amazing people, allowing others to noticeably take advantage of me, saying goodbye to hearts like mine, writing my first book, being inspired by love, among countless others. My year was great, but it lacked all depth.

You'd think with a year full of these ups and downs, I'd feel content or advanced in my road; however, the truth is that I feel like I've been in the same spot, unchanging. I did not grow as a person, if anything I took steps backwards from any enhancement. I allowed myself to stay quiet and hide my tears for my pillows. I was so broken that I could not even admit it to myself. I did not turn to my faith through tough times, I harbored it all and put on the brave face, the one that you all see daily with no site of hurt.

As 2011 takes over I foresee a life of fortuity. My promise is to live, to finally live for the person I was brought here to be. I promise to not keep my mouth shut when I want to scream at the world. I promise to love like I've never loved before with an unguarded heart. I promise to stop doing what everyone else wants for me. I promise to stop doing what I think is the safe choice, the right choice. Will that be ACTUALLY transferring to NY next fall? Will it be deciding to go back to Loma? Will it be to pursue an entirely new dream? Who knows?

What I do know, is that my year is dedicated to my faith. Dedicated to walking with eyes closed and heart open. To trust in His path. I will spend more time in silence, and I will listen. My vulnerability will be at its highest and my guard will fall to the steps behind me. This year will be my year to lead my life, and to be led by His grace. It's my commitment.

I'm not sure what this swift change and a twist in unexpected path will do to me. Break me? Maybe. Bring me to my knees over and over? Likely. I know I will struggle harder and hurt more, but I will find a strength in me that I did not know existed and I will live the life that's right for me.

So here's to 2011, the years of tragedy and triumph.

<3 Sharon

A Happy Ending, Still in Process

2010-09-30T23:59:00.000-07:00

When I look back at my life I wonder what I'll think. I know I'm young, and to ponder this is so bizarre, but really when I take those long walks down memory lane this is what I see.

I see this staircase. As I'm sitting at the top I can hear the yelling and crying. She runs right pass me cursing and talking to herself. The door below slams. Years pass until the day I see him again. Not that it matters, though hopes through our family were there, I was never truly his.
That day marked the rest of my life. It marked my choices, my beliefs, my lack of faith and courage in love.
With the following years, I can feel the ice. I can feel the angst I felt when my hero thought the best option for me was to be placed with family. From the "families" I can relive these moments as if they are on a constant wheel before my eyes. The images of bruises are as if they were placed there yesterday. The stench of breath tainted with alcohol reminds me of that fist he would periodically place upon her face. A baby's cry makes me think of when she would leave me alone with him, those long nights spent on the bathroom floor are far to familiar to me. I can still hear the snickers of on looking peers as the whips pierced my skin as a source of entertainment.
I was a child who didn't believe in tears, a child forced to fend for myself, a little girl who didn't believe in love, a little girl who didn't let a man anywhere near. A child abandoned.
With a small amount of time passed, I remember getting the sister I always wanted. I remember feeling briefly home. Still numb and resistant, I had a pillow to lay my against head for that short year.
When that was all over, because the good days always halt to an end, I was back with my hero. She continued to be full of sorrow as different faces came in and out of our lives. Roofs of all different sorts were our definition of home. The line, "home is where the heart is," was all we could rely on for the years that passed.
With glazed eyes and broken promises, we lived together with pure content that had an underlining disparity in my brick soul.
After continuous hurt, loneliness, and betrayal, that little girl reached a point where this life was all she ever looked forward to. There was no light in site, and her reality was paved with the same old path of unattainable dreams.

So, I look back and I see this broken child. I want to go to that little girl and hug her, I want to tell her that everything is going to be okay, I want to tell her that she's about to discover a love that is going to rock and transform her world.

In March of 2006, I can still remember the stiff wind against my cheeks as I stood at the bottom of the mountain. Eyes closed and heart open I remember each step to the peak. I reminisce on this vision, the first vision to give me chills and comfort at once. The cross stood tall and overlooked the children who were like me in many ways. I've never felt a love so overwhelming, a love so strong, a love so peaceful. That broken little girl was mended.
Right now, as I look back at the trials that came after that experience, from rain to gun point, and from death to discovery, I still feel hurt and I still feel lost at times, but overall I still feel Gods unchanging love. My father who saved me from myself, my God who took me out of the social statistic. No one on this land chose me, but He did.

When I look back on my life so far, I see triumph, I see a girl who loves unconditionally, I see a child heart that's still vulnerable. I see a girl who is still afraid to trust, I see a young woman who perseveres, I see a young woman who's faith undoubtedly shapes her life. I see a woman who is strong willed and stubborn. I see a woman who is still growing and learning to walk with her heart daily. I see a girl who isn't afraid to to cry. I see a girl who was the exception.

Wouldn't Change A Thing

2010-09-30T01:30:00.000-07:00

It's been a really long time since I've written on my blog. A part of me has been trying to live in bliss, and by writing all of my truths inevitably spill.
Now that I'm here again, I can honestly say these last few weeks have flown with a blur. My life has been so unbelievably busy with school, work, teaching guard, and being youth staff. I miss my old routines, I miss how my life did not fluctuate. The toll that this unknown, new complex reality has placed upon my mind is something that I've never really felt. I've never felt so independent, and it's been years since I've felt this alone.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not in a place where I'm sad by any means. It may be strange, but I think this has been an amazing growth period for me. I am happy with myself, and I've learned that being alone doesn't mean that love isn't always surrounding. This transition has made me understand that when you've grown up like me, people are a necessity. To be able to say that I am honestly happy with the changes that have happened just justifies the truth behind Gods will and timing.
When Loma was in question I was so angry with God and I turned the blame everywhere I possibly could. His plans for me were different and beneficial. In the moment leaving was hard and the absolute last thing I would've ever chosen for my path, but this is clearly not my path to choose!
Right now, I am stressed, constantly moving, happy, silenced, living, and praying. I love where I am mentally and spiritually.
So there's the update that so many of you have been asking for. I'm sorry for not replying to calls, text messages, emails, messages, wall posts, etc. Please know that I love you all dearly and I wish I wasn't so busy and as soon as things start to settle down I will schedule many lunch/coffee dates!

I am going to end with a list of things:

1. Here's a bible verse that has truly gotten me through the last few years.

³Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. ⁵For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. ⁶If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. - 2 Cor 1:3-7

2. I've been working at AMC for the last two months and this has been going NON STOP since CR 2 (which I loved). So bask in the lyrical genius. joke.

3. Here's a picture of Me, my god son Alex, my non biological sister Heather, and my big brother Brandon at the 2010 Pacific Islander Festival!

<3Sharon

The Blog I've Been Dreading

2010-06-11T00:21:00.001-07:00

Writing is my way of expression. It's the way I clear and mend my thoughts out of the crazy complexities. I have chosen not to write for the past few weeks because I've been absolutely broken and confused. Typically, that's when the majority of my writing should take place, but I pushed it off because I didn't really want to face what my future has in store for me and writing it now just makes it that much more real. With that said, I will be taking a semester of from PLNU.
Most people know that I will be taking a semester off, but only few really know why. I've been trying to convince myself that I am confident and okay with this decision, but the truth is, I am really afraid. If you're reading this and I told you it was because I just wanted to knock out the rest of my GE's, while that is true, the story goes deeper.
Point Loma was everything I ever dreamed. I love the sense of community, I love the wonderful people I met, and I love how much I've grown because of Loma. One thing I learned while I was at Loma was that I have this mentality of a fixer. I feel like it is my obligation to fix and help everyone and everything that is going on around me. I get so lost in this fixation that I neglect to fix myself, and I fail to see when I need to put myself and my needs first.
With events and obstacles that were thrown at me during my freshman year, that problem surfaced, and by the time I tried to do something about this problem, it was just to late. I was so mixed up in trying to fix everyone else that I drove myself to a point where I just couldn't handle life. So after long days and nights of tears, confusion, and prayer, the decision was made. Two women that I love and admire thought it was in my best interest to learn to take care of myself as well. So that's that. I will be out of Loma and into Mesa for one semester.
It's taken a lot of coping and I'm still dealing with the everything that's been throw at me, it hasn't been easy by any means, but I know that I am strong and I know that God will guide me through this change, and I WILL be back at Loma.
I know it's only a semester, but when I think back to the two semesters I've already spent at Loma, a semester is a long time. It's a long time of no caf lane, it's long time of no Time Out, it's a long time of no chapel, it's a long time of separation from my wonderful sisters, and it's a long time of no beautiful, unique community that I found.
In the next few months, I am going to strive to truly understand what it means to put myself first, which is something that I've never done, and I am going to count down the days until I return to Loma.

For now I will hold the photographs and memories close to my heart. Following is a series of pictures that will forever remind me of the family that I've gained during my freshman year at Loma.

Love you tons N3N

GYRAD

Trying To Be Serious

Raptors!

Weird Love!

Freshman!

Freshies Hug

Sophomores!

Sophomores Are Crazy!

N3N <3>

Epic

2010-05-10T22:16:00.000-07:00

Alright, if you're a potential Sea Lion this blog is specifically for you.
This year has been amazing. The student body has connected, we're undoubtedly a community of love. With the pressure from finals and the end of the year approaching... what's left for us?

AN EPIC LIBRARY DANCE PARTY!!!
471 Sea Lions packed the third floor of Ryan and engaged in one of the most awesome events ever. Shout out to Eric Hill and Ian McKay for arranging such an amazing study break!! Now back to studying :)

Finals

2010-05-10T01:34:00.000-07:00

It is Monday May 10, 2010 at 1:34 am.

Laptops, water, grapes, soda, pretzels, nutella, and hot fries.

There's officially 5 days left of college and we are immersing

ourselves in final prep.

I'm going to miss these nights with N3N.

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. 1 Chronicles 16:11

<3 Sharon

HE has my heart.

2010-04-22T22:17:00.000-07:00

I can't even describe how incredibly busy I've been.
I wish there was more time in the day to get everything
done.
The end of the semester is approaching and it's definitely crunch
time. I feel like my priorites are getting all mixed up. I think it's
that time I go into silence once more.

With that said, though I have been overwhelmed with school, I'm
trying to remember that His plans for me are what matters most.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

<3 Sharon

PLNU Assassin's!

2010-04-08T19:41:00.001-07:00

Assassin's is pretty self explanatory. The Object of the game is to assassinate your target. You get a card with a name on it and the goal is to kill that person and take their targets, meanwhile someone is trying to kill you.

I never thought that I would give in and play assassin's.
I didn't really see the point... until now!
My partner and I had never played the game before so we
didn't really know what to expect. I was on my way home from work and I got a call from my hall mate, "Daniel Spaite is here, he is looking for you and he's going to kill you." At that point, my partner Jennifer had been killed by Daniel already.

I approached Nease and stealthily snuck into my room. My hall turned into a massive battle ground, Daniel Spaite couldn't get me and he left in anger and defeat.
From that point I knew had to be on watch. Walking down Caf Lane was pretty sketchy because I knew he could be anywhere!
The next day, I was sitting in Time Out and I saw Daniel coming, I shot him and made my get away; unfortunately, he found me and that was the end of my life. Aside from being soaked by the water Daniel through at me, Assassin's was incredibly fun and I can't wait to play again!

<3 Sharon

School, Work, & Steal The Scenery!

2010-03-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

Oh goodness! I can't believe how long its been since I've posted a blog :( It's incredible how quickly second semester is flying by!! The contents of my life have been school, life, work, and Steal The Scenery.

School has been a little stressful and tough, but I'm finally getting back on track. I must say, the professors here at Loma are really just wanting us to succeed. I have been absolutely blessed with amazing profs who are truly supportive.

Life has been on a pretty hectic path full of ups and downs. I've been hit with some pretty heavy stuff in the past few weeks, but I'm glad to say that I've persevered through. God is good!

Work has been great, I love my job and the people I work with. Now for some fun stuff!! STEAL THE SCENERY!

Steal The Scenery is a local San Diego band that's on its way to stardom. Of course I'm a tad bias because I have a pretty close friend in the band; however, I've voiced that I no longer acknowledge that my friend is in this band because I've become pretty obsessed with the music haha. Steal The Scenery will forever mark my second semester here at Loma. They are constantly playing in my room, car, and Ipod. Though their CD is remarkable, seeing them live is AWESOME. I really encourage everyone to check them out, I've already gathered a handful new fans who have fallen in love with the band and I'm confident that my readers will too ;)

Steal The Scenery has definitely become my 'go to' CD. Like I said earlier, life has hit me with some pretty tough stuff, but their songs can always put a smile on my face.

I feel like life has been so busy... here are snapshots of the last few weeks!!

-Hiking Stonewall, Spring Break, Family, Steal The Scenery!

Keeping The Silence

2010-02-10T23:38:00.000-08:00

So here's the story.

Last night in Cov. Group (Covenant Group) my hall was challenged to stay in silence for the rest of the night. It was supposed to be a time to just listen, pray, and hang out with God.
Early this morning we broke the silence with worship. I felt myself being called to keep the silence, so I decided that I was going to continue not talking and carry on with my day listening to God. I had no idea when it would hit me and I certainly had no idea what I was listening for... I just knew that I have been constantly asking and seeking God, but I was not listening nor watching.

Here's stories from my journey.

1) It was hard to keep my mind quiet. Although I was not actually speaking, my mind was constantly rambling!
2) Once I finally gained focus, the little sounds that I didn't hear before were strongly prevalent.
3) Walking around campus was intense. The sound of the wind, footsteps, voices, and all other noises blended intriguingly; however, I was able to pick apart all of the individual sounds.
4) The conversations around made me indifferent. There was so much complaint and so much dirtiness. I was really shocked by it.
5) Chapel. - Worship was intense. Hearing the voices, good or bad, it didn't matter. Collectively it was beautiful. It's funny how Chapels theme correlated with the idea of listening.

In the midst of all the noise and commotion I continued asking God to speak to me, I tried to find Him in the little things that were going on. At the very end of Time Out I had it. I got an indescribable feeling, but everything just clicked. My day replayed in my head and the sounds around me was not what I remembered... but it was what I saw.

I saw hands reaching for God in worship, I saw friends laughing and hugging, I saw couples holding hands, I saw trees swaying in the wind, I saw the ocean in calmness, I saw people in deep prayer, and I saw people I loved.

In every trace of life whether good or bad, there's a vision of Gods work. It was directly said to me in my 8:30 class and again later on in the day... but I didn't realize it then. I've been in a dry and torn place with my life and when I am praying or in a time of worship I see and feel God, but in times when I am just going through my daily routines I don't recognize that he's there.

So as I stood at the end of Time Out, I broke down and leaned on Chelsie's shoulder and peace swept through me. My God spoke and I heard. All of the sites I saw were marked with His grace and love. He told me that He is indeed everywhere and forever He will be.

--------

I've made a commitment. For the next few months I will be in silence from Tuesday at 10 p.m. (the end of my hall Cov. Group) to Wednesday at 9 p.m. (The beginning of Time Out). The only time that I will speak is in the act of praise. No phone, facebook, t.v., or music (worship excluded). So pray for me. For stength and focus. God speaks, we just need to listen. Dear God, I am absolutely in love with you and all of your works are beautifully intimate.

<3 Sharon

Pictures :)

2010-01-25T21:39:00.000-08:00

A few days ago my friends and I decided to take pictures around campus! Enjoy!

"Fire Hydrant!!"

Jen and Jennie
:)

Jennifer Van Wey!

Jen, Jennie, and Jordan on the stairs below BAC!!

JENNIFER VAN WEY!! I'm pretty proud of this picture :)

Jordan, Jennie, and Jen!

Jennie and Jen

Whoooo :)

Jen and Jennie!!

Take 2!

2010-01-13T11:07:00.001-08:00

Finally, I have completed my first semester in college and I am currently in the second!
First semester was great. It was very challenging at times, but I got through it successfully! :)

My Christmas break was amazing. I didn't realize how much I missed my high school friends and my family. Yes, I know I am still home, but constantly being around my family was great. One cool thing I did over break was I auditioned for the Santa Clara Vanguard (colorguard) for you marching band people, you know that's a big deal hahaha! I got a call back and I'm really excited to see where the program takes me! Cross your fingers for my next round of auditions!!

Well, Christmas break is over and second semester is now in progress. I have a pretty heavy course load and a rigorous schedule! My days will most likely consist of: class; homework; work; homework; two hours of sleep; then repeat. It's okay though, I am fully prepared and really excited for this semester.

The great thing about second semester is that I no longer feel like a lost little freshman! I am familiar with the campus, I've already got a lot friends, and I know how everything works... nothing compares to the first day I started classes here at Loma! I am very proud to say that I have yet to walk into the wrong class!

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

I am very aware that this semester will bring stress, but this verse will be a constant reminder that God is there and he will continue to love and comfort us in our troubles!

Sharon :)

Time Out

2009-12-02T23:39:00.000-08:00

I love Time Out, it's definitely what I look forward to throughout my busy week.

Today was an official "time out" for me.

Where's my heart? Where's my mind?

I continue to dwell on how I busy I am and how much I procrastinate. I know I have countless obligations, but I continue to take on more responsibilities for everyone else's benefit. I do not know why I do that, I feel like I have to put myself in that position. I also focus too much on my relationships with specific people, which typically has the tendency to make me feel desolate.

I've been so adamant on pleasing everyone around me that I've lost sight of who I really should be striving to please.

To say, "Jesus you're all this heart is living for," would be a contradiction to where I am right now; however, I am striving to reach that point. I long and work to be in a place where my entirety is with God, from my heart to mind, body, and soul. Though I continue fail, fall, suffer, and question, my faith is undoubtedly irrevocable.

So here's my prayer.

Jesus Be All My Heart Is Living For.

I am currently in a confusing place in my journey, but I will continue to persevere. This video is awesome and it's a reminder to just give it all to Christ because even though you feel lost and empty, He is your guide and your light. That reminder is absolutely powerful.

<3 Sharon

QuEen B

2009-11-23T00:01:00.001-08:00

Man, I didn't realize how ridiculously busy I was going to be before entering college. I feel like weeks are just flying by, we're already going into Thanksgiving break!!

The last few weeks I've been thinking about all of the changes that have been happening in my life. My fall job has ended, the semester is almost over, a lot of my high school friends are different, and I even got my nose pierced! There are just so many different things that are going on around me and it's crazy.

With all of the changes and busyness I really haven't had much time to just hang out. However, I did to get to experience one of the coolest things ever!

HOMECOMING

Although I wasn't able to engage in all of Saturday nights activities (including the game) due to work, which was still amazing, I did get to go to the variety show! It was absolutely hilarious and my RA, who is incredibly amazing won Homecoming Queen! Erin is awesome and I couldn't have been placed on a better hall. We made shirts and all showed up to support her.

Homecoming made me realize that I really need to slow down and engage in what God has blessed me with, a fantastic group of girls that I live with! Seriously, N3N is what encourages me daily, they're all such beautiful people and I love the time spent with them. I know that it may sounds bizarre that something like homecoming can bring me such a major recognition of how much I love the people on my hall... but it totally did!

<3>

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." - 2 Corinthians 1:3-9

God Always Provides

2009-11-01T18:54:00.001-08:00

I've been going through these crazy phases here at Loma. As much as I know I love being here, I wasn't allowing myself to truly engage on this campus because I was afraid of not being here next semester due to financial issues. My excuses for transferring seemed legit and I was beginning to convince myself that transferring was the "right" thing to do and it was what I truly wanted.

I was absolutely lying to myself.

How could I ever want to leave this beautiful campus? This place that makes me feel so at peace with Christ... this place that has introduced me to some of the most amazing people I've ever met? This place is His work. It's authentic, beautiful, and more than I could have ever asked for.

Well, God has been listening. With the help of N3N, financial services, some of the most amazing professors, and an advisor that I'm absolutely blessed to have... I'm here and I'm cleared.

God has placed me here for a reason and His plans are still in the works of my life. I am still in absolute disbelief, but I am ridiculously stoked! God works in such mysterious ways and I'm learning to just fully trust that He will undoubtedly provide. I will continue to live here at Loma; I will seek Him, love Him, and make Him my center.

Everything.

2009-10-02T16:15:00.000-07:00

So, school has been busy busy! Lately, I've been so wrapped up in school that I was losing site of why I wanted to be at Loma originally. The great thing about it is that this school is a CONSTANT reminder of Christ.

College is not easy, and all of the expectations I had have flown out of the window. I've never been so relieved to see a Friday. This week I had 3 essays, an exam, rigorous daily assignments, and a FINAL! All of the work made me overwhelmed and extremely frustrated with school and seeing the other girls on my hall full of the same anxiety didn't help the situation. N3N was in HW mode all week, which is soooo different for us. Of course, there was an occasional break-out dance party. Gotta love the Nease 3rd North Girls.

Well with the frustrations I was feeling, I was neglecting to pray and seek God daily. Time Out was a huge wake up call. (Megan Libby Rocks!) God's miracles are always around, even when you don't realize it. Don't pass up the chance to be someone else's miracle. Uhhh I can't even express the feeling I'm feeling right now. God is just so good and His works are so precious. I wrote a paper on Habakkuk and I am finally understanding how just trusting that God will lead you through everything is settling. I'm letting Him be my everything.

<3 Sharon.

P.s. - I have successfully completed a college course! I'm going to miss Old Testament!

Take My Life

2009-09-15T22:39:00.001-07:00

So no one is a fan of poop... well at least the poop of other people right?

CAUTION: If you have a weak stomach, scroll past the story!

Here's the story:

In good ol' Nease 3rd North our toilets always seem to get clogged! A few days ago I had to use the restroom and I noticed there was no water in the toilet... so I decided to flush it in the hopes that water would fill up. To my dismay, the toilet began to growl at me! Rather than "clean" water filling the toilet... Brown chunks started to overflow from the hole (clearly I do not know any toilet terminology). I was so confused and disgusted... In attempt to solve the mess that was at this point flying towards me and leaking out under the stall... I grabbed the plunger and plunged EVERYONE ELSES backed up POOP! After screams, tears, and laughter the toilet finally stopped catapulting poo; however, the result of this disastrous toilet was a disgustingly foul smell and a bathroom that looked like it could be on the set of fear factor! Thankfully our bathroom is back to its original state.

I hope the N3N poo story made you laugh... because we get a kick out of the experience. If all else fails, I hope the story made you understand the importance of plunging your own poo so that no one else has to pay the consequences!!

Now, on a happier/clean note. Life at Loma is going amazing! I'm finally out of that awkward funk and God has truly been working in my life and his presence is so enduring. The lonliness is shattered and the peace is settling in. I'm seeing more and more of this beautiful campus and my head is no longer glued to the ground. I've been so blessed with the hall I was placed in and my Covenant Group is the epitome of a family in Christ. These girls are so beautiful and so awesome, God is continuously pushing us closer together. Dorm life is one of the BEST experiences I've ever been exposed to.

I'm finally starting to call this place HOME with a smile. This song was played a few weeks ago in chapel... it's been on my heart lately and it's definitley been my prayer. Just dwell on the beautiful words and give it all to God, nothing else matters.

<3 Sharon

p.s. Here's an awesome verse I heard in bible 101 :)

From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe. Psalms 61:2-3

His Presence.

2009-09-08T00:14:00.000-07:00

I've always been thankful for the people who've come in and out of my life. I've realized how absolutely blessed I am to have such major impacts on my heart.

Lately, life here at Point Loma has felt a little lonely. It's really hard being around so many people and not knowing where I fit in, especially, coming from places where I knew exactly where I stood. It was nice knowing a handful of people before coming into Loma and rooming with one of my best friends, but its still been... different. Every time someone familiar walks past they ask me the same question, "How are you doing?" I continue to give the same answer... "good." I wonder what my answer would be to, "How are you doing, honestly?"

With all of these different feelings the one thing I needed was just silence and prayer. Even though it was past 10, I decided to leave Nease to find a quiet place to write and pray... I went and sat in front of a cross that over looks the ocean, with Nease still in sight. I stayed in that same spot until about 1 a.m. I wrote a lot and prayed even more, but mostly I just listened. After an hour or so I started to realize how comfortable I was sitting there. This place is so beautiful and enriched with His presence. I put my head down to pray and I heard a guitar playing in the distance. I continued to pray and the sound got closer, the melody reminded me of, "On This Beautiful Night" by Urban Rescue. The lyrics began to drown my thoughts... specifically,

"Now it seems I'm all alone

Sailing far away from home, out on the ocean

On a wave against the tide

You placed Your hand in mine so I could see."

And

"Looking up into the sky

The tears fall from my eyes, out on the ocean

Like a fire in the dark

You broke my world apart so I could see

On this beautiful night..."

I don't want to lie and say that everything is great now and that I'm fully developed to this new life. However, I'm starting to understand so much more about my faith. God is here, and He's holding my hands through all of this. You may wonder how I'm getting all of that through some random guy walking by playing his guitar... but that's not the point. It was the words that overflowed my mind and the weight that seemed to melt of my shoulders. The reminder of His grace and how He will continue to work and live in all of us. God gives strength to face this life and this campus definitely advocates that power... I Love it. I know I'm supposed to be here and I know that He will continue to challenge and mold me.

In the mean time, I will continue to let Him guide me and I will remember that I'm not the only one who feels this way. (Thanks Jess.) This campus is so beautiful and refined, it is truly amazing and every where I turn I am reminded of his works. Seriously, I wake up to this EVERY morning.

Yes, I have an ocean view as a freshman!

<3 Sharon.

Week One. Point Loma Nazarene.

2009-08-29T02:03:00.001-07:00

So, it's finally Friday night... well Saturday morning. This week has been INSANE. Adjusting to the college life has been hilarious, fun, intense, and overwhelming.

I guess I'll begin with classes. For the most part they're all pretty great! I really like my Sociology class and my Bible classes (yes plural.) Modesto and Rodeheavor are really entertaining and the classes just seem to fly by. I've had a TON of homework but I managed to get through it... even though I did reach a point where I had to leave my hall and study outside of the PBC until 12 a.m. Speaking of 12 a.m. Here's the sleep aspect of college, or lack thereof. I honestly laughed when I was told that I wouldn't get much sleep. That's an understatement. I feel like I'm nocturnal!

Now, here's the stuff everyone always wants to hear about. NEASE 3rd NORTH!!

Dorm life is one of the coolest experiences ever. We all call ourselves truly lucky because of how quickly we clicked and how much fun we're already having! Some of the things we've already done together are movie nights, dinners, Living Room nights, dance parties, soccer games, (Go Tiffany Brahhhh) and so much more. Everyone in my hall is fantastic! I couldn’t have asked for a better group of girls to spend the next year with.

High lights of the week:
1) Shannon realizing that someone has clogged the toilet. Shannon is a very gracious person so of course she attempted to unclog the toilet even though it clearly was not her poo. However, when she flushed the toilet and the water began to rise... she panicked! It didn't help that the toilet water got on her pants and we all stood around the bath room laughing while she screamed at 2 a.m.
2) Getting my room Toilet Papered and my screen saver changed to a picture of this creepy girl named Jennifer on my hall. (She's actually hilarious!)
3) Jennie and I teaching girls in Nease how to jerk. Classic.

Well I've wrote a lot about how great college has been and how I’ve been having a wonderful time... but I'm not going to lie. The infamous college breakdown DID take place. The transition into college was a lot to handle and at times it was very overwhelming. I didn't understand why I was so upset or emotional but I think I just needed to cry hahaha. I sat in the middle of my room and just tried to take it all in. I prayed and bawled for more than fifteen minutes. Yes, I am from San Diego but I really missed home and my mom. It's just a really different feeling that is incomprehensible. After crying it all out, I talked to a few girls on my hall and apparently I was not alone! There were about five other girls who had the college breakdown as well! It definitely made me feel a lot more comfortable… and not as lame for breaking down haha. I guess it’s pretty typical within the first few weeks of school.

Despite the break down, it really has been an AMAZING week! Now that I am accustomed to this new life, I'm really excited for everything that lies ahead. From classes to chapel to the crazy inside jokes I have with my hall, I know this is going to be a great year full of crazy fun memories. God is great and I love how freely faith is exhibited on this campus, it's the best part of being here.

- Sharon Simmons

NSO - Point Loma Nazarene University

2009-08-23T08:34:00.000-07:00

Whooooooooooooooo. I'm here!!

To think I've been praying, hoping, and dreaming of coming here over the last seven years and I'm finally here!
God is so great and his power is so incomprehensible. I love this place and I know it's exactly where I am supposed to be.
NSO has been... overwhelming, but I'm so ready to jump right in!

My hall is FANTASTIC! Yeahhhhh Nease 3rd North! The girls are awesome, my roommate is great, and my RA is amazing!

I can't wait to get acclimated with the campus and I'm so ready for the Lord to just challenge me, shape me, and rock my world!

More posts to come on my experiences here at Loma!

<3 Sharon

SoCal Nazarene Sr. High Camp 09

2009-08-01T07:55:00.000-07:00

So we're back home,

I can't even explain how much God worked in my life just over the week. From giving me the courage to speak during campus hour to blessing me with amazing new friends and strengthening the bonds I've already made!

The message was quite simple, step outside of your comfort zone and share your faith, befriend someone you would typically pass by, and be a shining light for Christ.

This year was full of beautiful and authentic worship and messages that made me think, made me contemplate my actions, and that began to mold me. It was an amazing year of teams for me (yeahhhhh Kings and Queens!) Of course Kajaba has always been a high light.. but playing it with such an awesome team just made it that much better... and the mud pit was FOR SURE a plus!

There was so much passion and life spread through camp... now that we're gone I know that this is more than just a camp high... It's a new way of life! This year was an amazing experience... and after seven years... I went out with a bang!

Here I come LOMA!!

Pictures from the week!

Senior Grads!! whooo!

Kings and Queens!

Normal reaction... to EVERYTHING!

OneGirl... Jessica!

C-LINA!

Hahaha I don't even know!

Kings and Queens!!! - We Dominate!

Coolest girls EVER!

Whoooo

Human Foosball

Sugarpine 09 so fine! hahah

White Teal San Diego 1st!!

Graduate

2009-06-02T17:35:00.000-07:00

Some people say it's the beginning of the rest of your life, or a new chapter in your book.
The fact is, the door has closed, the time has passed and can never be retrieved. Forget about the times you were forced to sound sufficiently articulate or the times you were forced to do equations with eyes shut tightly.

The truth is I'm afraid. I loved where I was, so safe and unchanging. The gritty sanctuary full of comfort and the idea of knowing exactly where I stood.
The feeling of being pushed on is so hard. It's like I've given all that I could give. I was needed, everyone depended on me, I triumphed and I led. But my turn is dead, it's over, and has reached its end.
I suppose it's time to start my new chapter, but I am realizing I needed them more. I continued to tell my self how much they needed me, but I failed to see how much I depended on them.

Yes, I am more than afraid, but I think I'm ready. Maybe it'll be full circle or I might end somewhere I never imagined. This intoxicating rush of contemplations are drowning through my worried thoughts. Giving my wonders to God is finally beginning to ease my mind. I understand the importance of moving on and letting someone else find their great potential the way I found mine.
My embedded footprints were long lasting but now the steps of another must walk over them and leave their own mark.
Indeed it's time to move on and take my knowledge, my experiences, and the love I've gained and put it to use somewhere else in my path.

Hail Point Loma High. I love you SDFC

Ocean.

2009-03-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

Beauty in its mystery
unbelievably united but out of sync
they whisper the truth and roar the lies
I wish to merely lose myself in the tides

My tears, they're washed away
I swallow my pride and I am encouraged to stay
Can I be swept by the waves
So purely take my life in this daze

My shallow eyes cannot mend
Laying helpless on the bend
In the path I'm on
I used to be so strong

This hurt and pain
I give it to my father not in vain.
I pray to be rescued and nourished
By his love and power, I'm relinquished.

Despite the fight
I'm back into his light
The ocean questions my faith and points out my fears
I do not turn back for my God is here.

This conceit just flowed out of me, I wasn't sure how much it ment to me until I was done writing it. My battle with the ocean (world) and how it feels like it'll just take over me leaves me with such disparity. I keep trying to fight it alone rather than giving it to God and completely let him control my life. It's so hard to conquer but once I just give everything to the lord everything else seems so insignificant. My God continues to save me and hold me through my struggles, it's incredible.

Beginning

2008-11-29T01:03:00.000-08:00

Hey, I'm super excited to start publishing my poetry and free writes! I'm gonna get used to the site a little bit first :)

But for now:

I walk by faith and not by sight
I know my God will lead me through the night
I lie awake at night and pray
That my savior leads me back while I stray.